Make your own free website on Tripod.com

CHOOSING YOUR ATTENDANTS

  • Since participating in a wedding is a special honor and responsibility (both personally and financially), choosing attendants is one of the bride and groom's most important decisions.  The best choices for your attendants are best friends and close relatives.
  • The bride will need to have one maid of honor (she is called matron of honor if she is married) and the groom will need to have one best man.
  • You should have an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen (ushers).  The number of these is completely dependent on your opinion and wishes.  The average formal and semiformal wedding includes four to six bridesmaids.  Informal weddings vary much more and can simply involve a maid of honor and ushers.
  • You may also decide to have junior bridesmaids and junior ushers; if so, have an equal number of each.
  • You also have the option of having a flower girl and a ring bearer.
  • If it is a second marriage and either or both of you have children, try to create the sense of a "marriage of family."  Involve the children in the wedding in some capacity, particularly as attendants, if they are old enough.  Discuss this with your first spouse so as to avoid any awkwardness for the children.

The maid/matron of honor
"should be" the bride's or groom's sister, best friend or a very close relative.  Since she acts as an official witness, she must be over 18.  When you choose, make sure that this person will be helpful.   You will need to depend on this person for lots of assistance and support.   Make sure the person you choose will give you the care and concern that you will need.  Many maids of honor don't understand their responsibilities when agreeing to the position.  When you ask this person to be your maid of honor, make sure that they understand that it is a lot of work with no pay.

The best man
is chosen by the groom.  He should also be his best friend or a very close relative.  He will be the assistant/support person for the groom.  Since he also acts as an official witness, he must be over 18.

The bridesmaids
are a beautiful addition to your ceremony.  Choose from your close relatives and friends.

The groomsmen/ushers
usually get chosen to match the number of bridesmaids.   Usually the groom will have several men that he really wants to be his attendants.  The ideal usher count is one for every fifty wedding guests, but should at least match the number of bridal attendants.

Junior bridesmaids and junior ushers
are just thatjunior" versions of their adult counterparts, usually between the ages of 8 to 14 and 10 to 14 respectively.   Choose from relatives or friends.  If this is a second marriage and either or both of you have children of  the appropriate ages, having them be junior bridesmaids and junior ushers may be the perfect way to include them in your ceremony.  As mentioned above, this will create the sense of a "marriage of family."   There should be the same number of junior bridesmaids and junior ushers, if you choose to have them in your wedding party.

The flower girl and the ring bearer
are usually young children who are relatives or close friends, usually between 3 and 7.  Again, if this is a second marriage and either or both of you have children of  the appropriate age, having them be the ringer bear and/or flower girl may be the perfect way to include them in your ceremony, to create the sense of a "marriage of family."  However, think carefully before you choose whether or not to have a flower girl or ringer bearer.  Children can be extremely cute, but it is also very hard for them to follow directions, be quiet for a long period of time, or to stand in one place for any length of time.  If you do choose to have them in your wedding, make sure that you allow for their personalities to come out at your wedding.  They may wander, they may scream.  You can let them sit with their parents (or an adult close friend or relative if they're your or your future spouse's children) once they have walked down the aisle, so that they don't get so very bored and tired up at the front.  Just remember that they are children and you will be fine.